Growing up is hard

Alex has gone through a couple of emotional bursts recently, where I see him experiencing the trials and tribulations of being human. He’s always been a friendly, open guy, and really hasn’t had too many issues with friends or cliques or being rejected. In fact, in observing him Wednesday during the field trip, it was apparent that he has plenty of little kids flocking to him.

The first was really quite simple, but it was his comment at the end that hit me. He was playing with Legos (of course) and accidentally knocked a lego ship off of a table. It fell and broke into many different pieces, and he dissolved into tears. He cried, “but I can never put it back together,” and “It would take FOREVER.” I've discovered, through various trials, that the best thing to do in this situation is to acknowledge that it is perfectly alright to be upset, but at the same time reassure him that he had the ability to fix the situation. Then gently push him to start just a little bit. For starting, many times, is the hardest thing.

After a few moments he went to work and had it fixed by dinnertime about ten minutes later. Maybe even less. (this kid knows his legos!) But when he came into dinner, he was still a little visibly shaken and pronounced,

“It was so difficult because my HEART BROKE when I dropped the lego ship.”

Ahh… my little boy, if only this would be the worst that your heart breaks!

The second was just this morning. He was upset from the moment he woke up. Apparently, the situation is that one little boy mentioned to Alex (and who knows how many others) that they should go to a water park today after school with him. But only one little boy got formally asked via parents—and it wasn’t Alex. Now I should mention that, for Alex, going to a water park is some kind of utopia, an out-of-body-experience that he’s been wishing for and thinking about for months--ever since he discovered an INDOOR water park just off the interstate, on the way to Ohio. But I never knew that there is an outdoor park here, right in Washtenaw County.

And both of these little boys are good friends of Alex’s, so even after I mentioned that we could go to the water park after school is out—and spend a day rather than just a few hours after school—he was still very upset.

So it just broke my heart, as I probed a little bit and asked the question, “Are you more upset to miss the park or to not be included?” and his dissolved into sobs, big shaking sobs, and admitted that both upset him, quite a lot.

This is when that old parenting line, the line that says it hurts you more than it hurts them is so true. For we not only see our child in emotional pain, but we know just how much that hurts, because we have all felt that at one time or another. Oh, how I wished I could just fix this situation and protect him!

Of course, I wanted to call up Boy #1’s mother immediately, and tell her how much her boy hurt my boy’s feelings… but kids will be kids, and they are all learning how to live in a community and get along. And, as painful as it is, Alex has to learn to live in a world that may reject him at times, or not be totally fair. So I held back on my knee jerk reaction and instead carefully mentioned to Alex that he may want to tell Boy #1 how much his feelings were hurt to be told about the play-date but not included.

I’m holding my breath to see how his day goes.

(addendum: when I got home on Thursday, both boys were happily playing in the sprinkler and there wasn't a glimmer of pain in Alex's eyes. I asked him about it later, and he said, "Oh, his mom arranged it all," and that somehow fixed the situation in his mind. Oh, I'm so glad it was an easy fix!)